STEPHANIE TOMLINSON
Same storm, different boats. The recent pandemic has taught us all that, although we may all be in different situations and isolated from one another, we are in this together. And as we deal with our individual circumstances, we need each other—respecting appropriate social distancing requirements, of course. In recent weeks as I have begun to jump into the world of the college search with my son, who is finishing his junior year, I am definitely finding some parallels in this analogy.
“He’s finishing his junior year, and you are just starting the college search now??!” you exclaim. “You are way behind…” I can hear the panic in your voice as it attempts to edge its way into my already guilt-ridden conscience.
I really don’t have any excuses…I personally went through the college search several times as I searched for the perfect school for my undergraduate and graduate degrees. I’ve been watching friends go through it with their kids year after year. Even my sister has been through it three times with my wonderful nephews—who I’m happy to report found three different universities that are just right for each of them.
Even worse—and I hesitate to admit it—I work at a university where part of my job involves communicating about the college search process. But talking about something and doing it are two different things altogether. It’s easy to know and to tell others step by step what they need to be doing to stay on track through the college search, but somehow it seems harder for me to follow my own advice, especially when it involves my child and I know the result could mean sending him across the country to fulfill his future at the university of his dreams.
So, yes, in answer to your question, we are just starting the search process now. And you know what? Even though we may not be doing it like everyone else, I think it’s going to be okay—somehow, some way. We may be a little behind, we may not have all our ducks in a row or even in the same pond, for that matter, but I’m confident that come this time next year, our son will be preparing to launch his collegiate career alongside all of the other eager 2021 graduates.
So why do I feel the need to confess that we don’t have it all together? Maybe it’s just an attempt for me to try to reassure myself that it will be okay. Maybe…but deep down, I have a sense that even though I am feeling rather alone, there are probably a lot of other parents out there who are in similar situations experiencing the feelings of approaching a brewing storm. And, even though I can’t claim to have personally survived it, in my role at my university, I have seen countless different pathways and timelines that have arrived at the same happy ending of satisfied college freshmen beginning the academic year on time at the university of their choice.
Regardless of where you are in helping your child in the college search, regardless of whether you have done it all “right” and already have hired a college consultant (yes, that’s a real thing!), have application essays ready for submission, have tests scores perfected and visits completed, and know where your child will be heading for the Fall 2021 semester—or whether the realization has just hit that it might be time to start the process, it’s all going to be okay.
We may be alone in our individual, specific journeys with our child, but we are all together in the process. Your child’s journey is not going to be my child’s journey, nor is my child’s journey going to be yours. The starting points are different. The desired destinations are different. Let’s face it—each of our kids is different, and what is defined as success will look very different for each. That said, there are some universals in the college search process that can serve as a lighthouse to help all of us as we come alongside our children in search of the “perfect” college for each of them.
Let’s journey through this together. I’m looking forward to sharing what I “know” about the college process from my position working in academia and what I’m “experiencing” as I come alongside my son in his college search. You can share what you have learned from your research and your experience—and together, we’ll figure it out step-by-step as we weather this adventure and search for the rainbow that we know is coming.